Out of Control

I never thought the words "Temper Tantrum" could be horrifying to me. Lately, they have been. My oldest has been having tantrums since she was one. They have gotten worse the past two years. Since Audrey was born, they seem to happen more frequently. I would have to say they are happening about 5 times a day now. I have read every article about temper tantrums, how to deal with your child, and what they're all about.

I've read things that say to let your child scream until they're finished, then talk about it. One article said that if your child is hurting him/herself or others to hold them until they're done. Another said temper tantrums are because toddlers are not in control of their lives and they need to be given some sort of control over things they are able to control (such as what color shirt to wear today). Some articles say to use time out. Some articles say to use love.

No matter how I deal with the situation, or how much control I allow her to have during the day, the temper tantrums are all related to her younger sibling. She takes toys away from her, makes her cry, pushes her, shoves her, or throws toys at her. When I or my husband step in to stop the abuse, Matilda will proceed to scream, kick, hit, yell mean things, or lay rigid on the floor and not allow anyone to pick her up. I, honestly, usually end up walking away with the baby in hand so that no one gets hurt until the next mishap. Not to mention, I truly cannot stand the shriek that Matilda lets out. My head is pounding just thinking about it. When the situation seems to be something other than sibling related, I usually talk to Matilda about things being scary and unable to control them. But the whole sibling issue has me stumped.

I try to read into situations. Maybe I read a little to far or think to deeply into these situations. I can't tell if Matilda is trying to protect her things from her sister, or if she really just doesn't like her sister playing with anything that looks like it could be fun. It always seems like whenever Audrey picks up a toy, a kitten, or a book, Matilda is on top of her, ripping it out of her hands, no matter what she was doing before. It really bothers me because there is no reason for her to be doing that to Audrey. Matilda has "her own" toys in another room of the house that she goes to and plays with when she wants to be alone from baby cries and other baby things. Lately, she doesn't go in that room, and has to be near Audrey at all times. I've worked with her on sharing, and not just taking things from others. It works with other people, but not with Audrey.

I feel like every day is a battle with her. I try not to yell all the time at her. But I do find that I am constantly telling her "No," or telling her what she should and shouldn't do. I find myself not complimenting her, or praising her. And that is something that I need to work on... No matter how stressful these situations make me!