It has been a while since I have written. So much has happened!

I am very glad that Spring is here. The weather is wonderful and I'm getting ready to put in my garden. We get our plants from the local garden program this Friday. Without this program, we wouldn't have a garden, but for a few plants. They provide low income families with seeds and plants for a wonderful garden, with enough for storage! Last year I was able to store enough shredded zucchini to get me through two more years.... And so many radishes I didn't know what to do with them all.

For some reason though, it seems like it's going to be too much work to do it all this year. I don't know if it's because of the girls - a 3 year old and 1 1/2 year old are hard to keep track of in a yard without a fence on the corner of two main roads. Or if it's because of the back pain I've been having. Lately, in the evening, it takes all I have to walk up the stairs to go to bed. I'm not sure what's causing the pain, or why it's only there at night. I think I'm in denial about the pain - It's not that bad, right? I don't want to have surgery again, I don't want to never be able to carry my kids again, I don't want to end up not being able to walk. Maybe it's not that serious, but that's what I think about when I think about going to the doctor for the pain I'm experiencing.

Not to mention, the pain makes me a pretty grumpy person. I am not the easiest to get along with lately. Everyone seems to irritate me, and vice versa. Now that I'm taking a step back to look at all this, it seems like the inevitable is going to happen soon. The doctor's visit. I've been there before... Usually it's a slipped disc that I just need some pain killers and muscle relaxers for so it can slip on back... Or it's a strained muscle that needs to heal. Maybe this time it's a strained muscle that didn't heal that I need therapy for. I'd rather have therapy than have surgery, that's for sure! What I don't want to hear is "You need an MRI, because you might have a herniated disc."

That would make me cry.

And then the doctor would ask me why I'm crying, and I would tell him: There is so much I could have done to prevent this. I could have protected my back by losing weight, doing strengthening excersizes, going for walks more often. I could have prevented my family having to deal with all this, and not being able to lift my children into my arms. And what did I do? I did nothing, so that I didn't have to deal with it. And I ended up making it worse.

So now I need to get over myself, and deal with the problem! Because I can't lift my kids anyway without hurting myself, I can't stand for over 5 minutes without my leg going numb, and I can hardly make it up the stairs to bed at night. Crawling up the stairs is not my specialty. I'm sure people would pay to see that.